Funny book titles

  • Dating for Under a Dollar by Blair Tolman

dating

Keep in mind that Dating for Under a Dollar was published over a decade ago in 1999; adjusting for inflation, a dollar then was equivalent to a whopping $1.34 today. That’s more than enough to buy a candy bar or a small order of fast food fries, which sounds like a nifty date.

  • Games you can play with your pussy by Ira Alterman

cat-games

As Victor writes on Amazon about this book: “I love this book! It is very inspirational! This is one of the best books I have ever read. It details all the great games one can play with their pussy. I gave it as a gift to my girlfriend. She was very happy.”

  • Cooking with Poo

cookingwithpoo

Her name is Poo, and she likes to cook. Would you like to cook with her?

  • I Knocked Up Satan’s Daughter: A Demonic Romantic Comedy by Carlton Mellick III

KnockedUp

“A well-written story with lovable characters” from the author of “The Haunted Vagina”

  • Teach Your Wife To Be A Widow by Donald Rogers

widow

“It’s a simple, realistic fact that a husband should spend years teaching his wife to be a widow” — otherwise how could she possibly fend for herself in this big, bad world? A book published in 1953 by author Donald Rogers. The book urges husbands to devote time explaining things like life insurance, investments, real estate policies, and taxes to their clueless wives.

  • The Big Book Of Lesbian Horse Stories by Alisa Surkis, Monica Nolan

Big_Book

Gregory S. Brown from Richardson, TX comments on Amazon “Exciting! As a young filly I found this tome to be soul-satifying. I did not realize I could have passionate realtionships with anything other than the barn cat (her name is Willow, sigh… . . ). It has opened my horizons which I expect to fill with exciting new friends and partners. Thank you The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories!”

  • What’s Your Poo Telling You? by Anish Sheth, Josh Richman

whats

Benjamin: “It is Poo-Licious!!”

J. McCarthy “Great poop book!”

M. Lerner Mateo from Seattle, WA “Everyone Loves Talking about Poo!”

  • Still Stripping After 25 Years by Eleanor Burns

still

She is such an inspiration for women everywhere!

  • Does God Ever Speak Through Cats? by David Evans

godcats

This is one of those pressing questions the Bible, the Torah, and the Qu’ran all neglected to answer.

  • Why We Suck: A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid by Dr. Denis Leary

WhyWeSuck

Loren Keim from Allentown, PA “I never realized how fat, loud, lazy and stupid I was until I read this book…”

  • Whose Bottom is This?: A Lift-the-flap Book

bottom

The illustrated Whose Bottom Is This? is a hardcover lift-the-flap guessing game for children ages 1 to 3. It might be good preparation for a child’s first field trip to the zoo, so long as someone teaches them what animals look like from the front as well.

  • The Radiation Recipe Book no given author

radiation

To clarify: “Radiation” was a brand of automated gas cooker.

  • Catflexing: The Catlovers Guide to Weight Training, Aerobics and Stretching by Stephanie Jackson

catflexing

From Amazon.co.uk reviews: “…this book really worked! I can already see some results, and me and my cat Whiskers get to spend fun time together!” Turns out it’s a useful piece of literature, but only… what results?

  • The Haunted Vagina by Carlton Mellick III

hauntedvagina

Book description for The Haunted Vagina. It sounds just as weird as the title implies. “Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy’s pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees.”

  • Increasing Laundry Output by Florian J. Hyam

laundry

Illustrated with 86 black and white photographs. Thanks God for not publishing color pictures!

  • The Long Journey of Mister Poop by Angèle Delaunois

longmrpoop

As lilbitz from Azz Bottom, New Joisey correctly points out:

This book “…is artsy. It’s about how food is digested…and about poop…but what 6 year old isn’t fascinated by poop?
Love the Spanish part too. My kids now say caca to their Spanish speaking friends and they all giggle. More books should be like this. Hey. Everybody poops.”

Inspired from Venice, CA adds up that this book is

“Engaging. Creative approach to a topic which could be dry and uninteresting and maybe yucky.”

Someone nicknamed Rubina from San Diego, CA summed up:

“…The book arrived promptly and well packaged.”

  • Fashion is Spinach by Elizabeth Hawes

fashionisspinach

So much in common.

  • Good-bye, Testicles by Anne Welsh Guy

goodbye

They should have this book in every vasectomy clinic!

  • The Beginner’s Guide to Sex in the Afterlife by David Staume

sex-in-afterlife

From Amazon reviews: Great Book–really helped! A long long time ago I was sliced in half and my body instantly vaporized. Fortunately, my love making package remained intact in the afterlife. Much to my dismay, I discovered that…things…worked a little different. Have you ever tried making love with a body completely composed of ecto-plasm? I’m afraid the endeavor is quite difficult. Plus, she-ghosts are anything but easy to woo.

  • How to Avoid Huge Ships by John W. Trimmer

howtoavoid

“I read this book before going on vacation and I couldn’t find my cruise liner in the port. Vacation ruined.”
Dan

“Capt. Trimmer’s advice would have been immensely beneficial to humans, fish, seabirds, and other animals, but I am none of those things. I’m a big rock.”
Jamie


  • The Human Bat v. the Robot Gangster by Edward Reginald Home Gall

humanbat

OMG…where is my cartoon of THIS awesome concept? It just writes itself. Instead of a remake of Flash Gordon or some other lame list superhero why isn’t someone like Tom Cruise or Nick Cage putting his star power behind THIS franchise?

  • The Practical Pyromaniac: Build Fire Tornadoes, One-Candlepower Engines, Great Balls of Fire, and More Incendiary Devices by William Gurstelle

pyro

Spencer Hutchinson notices that “This is a great book for anyone who enjoys doing crazy projects at home that include danger like building flamethrowers.”

Gary D The Garbuncle from Indiana cautions that “Great book filled with some great projects. Keep in mind, this isn’t something to buy your kid unless you want your house to burn down…”

  • People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead by Gary Leon Hill

dead

An Amazon review: “Interesting But Confusing. This book definitely makes you think. In fact, while reading it, I got a paranoid feeling that there could be dead people all around me at any given time.”

  • Fancy Coffins to Make Yourself by Dale Power

fancy_coffins

And another ironical review from Amazon.

“Finally! Something homemade that Grandpa can’t complain about. I’m big about giving homemade gifts; be it Christmas, Birthdays, Bar Mitzvahs, Ramadan, you name it! But every year, with every gift, always there was Grandpa. “How do you expect me to shave with this razor?! It’s made out of rocks!!” or “Why the —— would anybody want a wooden fireplace!?” But regardless of how mediocre my gifts were, I perservered, each gift usually being more unique and applicable than the last. Well, Grandpa finally died a little ways back, and guess who volunteered to make the coffin? This guy! Despite my incredible natural abilities, I knew I would need some help with this one. There could be up to tens of people, every one elated to judge me by my work. The way I saw it, this coffin was infinitely more important than the death of my grumpy, judgemental Grandfather. That’s where this piece of literary genius came into play. Upon first read of “Fancy Coffins to Make Yourself” I knew I was hooked. At first I couldn’t tell if it was fiction or nonfiction, a novel or an instruction manual; it was simply too intoxicating for me to decide. I read and reread it four times before falling asleep that night, not because I needed the instruction, but because I just couldn’t get enough of it.

Anyway, soon it was time to build. The detailed step-by-step instructions contained within these pages made me confident I could and would make myself proud. I decided on a more complicated coffin, called “the perished protoplasm.” I decided to write this on the side of the coffin as well, with the hope that some big words might help make my debut a success. I added a few tweaks, mind you. Including a spoiler on the back to make it sportier, A mouth like you’d see on a WWII fighter plane to make it intimidating (just like old gramps), and even a massive set of horns from an authentic texas longhorn that I mounted on the front. This bad boy was gonna turn some heads.

Needless to say, the funeral was a great success. EVERYONE was talking about my coffin, it was incredible! It was easy to see from the widespread looks of contempt that everyone was super jealous as well. COMPLAIN ABOUT THAT, GRANDPA!! Fortunately I had stopped caring about him years before he died, but with the success of my masterpiece, I completely forgot his existence! I had found a reason to live, and it’s all thanks to a man named Dale L. Power and this book. Thank you Dale, you saved my life!

  • Penetrating Wagner’s “Ring” by John L. DiGaetani

penet

As Agatha Thistletwatsays wrote about this book “Highly satisfying! Previous explorations of Wagner’s vast Ring piece have been unfulfilling, but Di Gaetani is unafraid to thrust deeply and energetically into this dark and forbidding cavern. A highly satisfying exploration leading the reader to a positively biblical understanding of Wagner’s Ring.”

  • Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi

everyone_poops

Because everyone really does.

  • How to Shit in the Woods: An Environmentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art by Kathleen Meyer

howto

A Crapload Of Good Advice says someone nicknamed Xsurfer on Amazon.

“I’ve been going out in the woods a long time, but my wife is all city and was having the hardest time outdoors. Worse, she never wanted to talk about it. She would say it’s too private. So I got this book and read it. Then I left it laying around until it wound up on her night stand. What a relief! First- with all of my camping experience I found out I didn’t know as much as I thought I did. I learned alot, especially about how the laws and common practices have changed since I grew up. Plus, I read many good ideas I’d just never thought of before. As for my wife- she no longer dreads camping and we have a much better time together outdoors. So I guess you could say that this book has changed our lives.”

  • Invisible Dick by Frank Topham

invisible

First printed in 1931 this particular novel appears to be no longer in print. A sad omission from any young persons library I’m sure.

  • Castration: The Advantages and the Disadvantages by Victor T. Cheney

castration

A review by Gr33n4blu3 from Virginia, United States is hilarious.

“Finally, a self help book I can use! Ever since I hit puberty I’ve been annoyed by the two fleshy appendages that dangle between my legs. They’re always getting in the way, they’re itchy, smelly, and not particularly pleasant to look at (at least that’s what my neighbors said in the police report). I’ve been burdened by these things all of my life, and now there is finally an author with the ball…guts to write about a solution.

I’m not sure why the author focuses the benefits mostly to sex offenders. Why should they be the only ones relieved of the nuisance of a nut-sack? They’re criminals! They already get all the free food, clothing, shelter, and companionship they want, and now the author proposes that they get a free castration??? Am I the only one jealous of this fact?

Further, although author lists a slew of reasons for the slicing and dicing, he mistakenly puts a few advantages in the “disadvantage” category. He states that gynecomastia is a disadvantage. How can having your own personal pair of breasts to play with be a disadvantage? That’s just silly. He also states that soft musculature is a disadvantage – since when do women like hard bodied men? I watched King of Queens, According to Jim, and Family Guy, three shows where heavyset soft bodied men are married to hot chicks.

Plus he doesn’t even mention that you won’t have to worry about an unintended pregnancy once you’ve been castrated!

That said, I have to applaud the author for bringing this subject to light. I will finally be able to buy a pair of skinny jeans and not worry about the unsightly bulge caused by my preposterous package.”

Did you like it? Please add more titles!

4 thoughts on “Funny book titles

  • February 13, 2014 at 9:37 pm
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    I couldn’t help but crack up at the author’s name for “Goodbye Testicles” ‘Anne
    Welsh guy’ as opposed to, I suppose , An English guy? These really were quite funny..
    I really DID want to read ‘Does God speak through cats’ being a cat owner.. At 35 bucks though, I hope He doesn’t 😉
    Loved it!

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  • January 20, 2015 at 2:35 pm
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    If you include “Dating for Under a Dollar”, it seems like Harley Jane Kozak’s “Dating Dead Men” ought to be included, too.

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  • March 4, 2015 at 4:57 am
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